Feeling down during the holidays can be tough,
especially since you seem so out of step with the world. Everyone else
seems to be beaming, ruddy-cheeked, bursting with holiday spirit. You’re
feeling wretched and exhausted.
But here’s something to cheer you up the next time
you’re stuck in a room of revelers at a holiday party: Plenty of them
are probably unhappy, too.
“I think a lot of people would say that the
holidays are the worst time of the year,” says Ken Duckworth, MD,
medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness. “They’re just straight up miserable, and that’s not only for people with clinical depression.”
So if the family gatherings, the endless parties, and the shopping get you down, you’re hardly alone. But people with depression -- or who have had depression
in the past -- need to be especially careful when coping with holiday
stress. While it might take some conscious effort on your part, you can reduce stress -- and maybe even find some holiday joy, too. Here are some tips.
Finding the Holiday Spirit: Emotions
1. Keep your expectations modest. Don’t get hung up on what the holidays are supposed to be like and how you’re supposed
to feel. If you’re comparing your holidays to some abstract greeting
card ideal, they’ll always come up short. So don’t worry about holiday
spirit and take the holidays as they come.
2. Do something different. This year, does the prospect of
the usual routine fill you with holiday dread rather than holiday joy?
If so, don’t surrender to it. Try something different. Have Thanksgiving
at a restaurant. Spend Christmas day at the movie theater. Get your
family to agree to skip gifts and instead donate the money to a charity.
3. Lean on your support system. If you’ve been depressed,
you need a network of close friends and family to turn to when things
get tough, says David Shern, PhD, president and CEO of Mental Health
America in Alexandria, Va. So during the holidays, take time to get
together with your support team regularly -- or at least keep in touch
by phone to keep yourself centered.
4. Don’t assume the worst. “I think some people go into
the holidays with expectations so low that it makes them more
depressed,” says Duckworth. So don’t start the holiday season
anticipating disaster. If you try to take the holidays as they come and
limit your expectations -- both good and bad -- you may enjoy them more.
5. Forget the unimportant stuff. Don’t run yourself
ragged just to live up to holiday tradition. So what if you don’t get
the lights on the roof this year? So what if you don’t get the special
Christmas mugs from the crawl space? Give yourself a break. Worrying about such trivial stuff will not add to your holiday spirit.
6. Volunteer. Sure, you may feel stressed out and booked
up already. But consider taking time to help people who have less than
you. Try volunteering at a soup kitchen or working for a toy drive. “You
could really find some comfort from it,” says Duckworth, “knowing that
you’re making a small dent in the lives of people who have so little.”
Finding the Holiday Spirit: Family
7. Head off problems. Think about what people or situations
trigger your holiday stress and figure out ways to avoid them. If
seeing your uncle stresses you out, skip his New Year’s party and just
stop by for a quick hello on New Year’s Day. Instead of staying in your
bleak, childhood bedroom at your stepfather’s house, check into a nearby
hotel. You really have more control than you think.
8. Ask for help -- but be specific. See if your spouse will
lug out the decorations. Ask your sister to help you cook -- or host
the holiday dinner itself. Invite a friend along on shopping trips.
People may be more willing to help out than you expect; they just need
some guidance from you on what to do.
9. Don’t worry about things beyond your control. So your
uncle and your dad get into a fight every holiday dinner and it makes
you miserable. But remember your limits. You can’t control them. But you
can control your own reaction to the situation.
10. Make new family traditions. People often feel
compelled to keep family holiday traditions alive long past the point
that anyone’s actually enjoying them. Don’t keep them going for their
own sake. “Start a new holiday tradition instead,” says Gloria Pope,
Director of Advocacy and Public Policy at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in Chicago. “Create one that’s more meaningful to you personally.”
11. Find positive ways to remember loved ones. Holidays
may remind you of the loved ones who aren’t around anymore. But instead
of just feeling glum, do something active to celebrate their memory. For
instance, go out with your sisters to your mom’s favorite restaurant
and give her a toast.
Finding the Holiday Spirit: Parties
12. Don’t overbook. “The holidays last for weeks and
weeks,” says Pope. “People really need to pace themselves or they’ll get
overwhelmed.” So don’t say yes to every invitation willy-nilly. Think
about which parties and you can fit in -- and which ones you really want
to attend.
13. Don’t stay longer than you want. Going to a party
doesn’t obligate you to stay until the bitter end. Instead, just drop by
for a few minutes, say hello, and explain you have other engagements.
The hosts will understand that it’s a busy time of year and appreciate
your effort. Knowing you have a plan to leave can really ease your anxiety.
14. Have a partner for the party. If the prospect of an
office party is causing holiday stress, talk to a friend and arrange to
arrive -- and leave -- together. You may feel much better knowing you
have an ally and a plan of escape.
Finding the Holiday Spirit: Shopping
15. Forget about the perfect gift. If you’re already
feeling overwhelmed, now is not the time to fret about finding the
absolute best gift ever for your great aunt or your mailman. Remember:
everybody likes a gift certificate.
16. Shop online. Save yourself the inconvenience, the crowds, and the horrors of the mall parking lot by doing the bulk of your shopping online.
17. Stick to a budget. The cost of holiday shopping mounts
quickly and can make people feel out of control and anxious. So draw up a
budget long before you actually start your shopping and stick to it.
18. Stay on schedule. As much as you possibly can, try to
stick with your normal routine during the holidays. Don’t stay too late
at parties. Don’t pull an all-nighter wrapping presents. Disrupting
your schedule and losing out on sleep can make your mood deteriorate.
19. Exercise.
While you may not feel like you have the time to exercise during the
holidays, the benefits are worth it. “We know that exercise has a pretty
strong anti-anxiety, anti-depression effect,” says Duckworth. You can work physical activity
into your errands. When you’re shopping, take a few extra laps around
the mall. Walk your Christmas cards to the post office instead of
driving.
20. Eat sensibly. When you’re facing a dozen holiday
parties and family gatherings between now and New Year’s, it’s hard to
stay committed to a sensible diet. But try. Eating healthy may keep you
feeling better -- physically and emotionally. On the other hand, don’t
beat yourself up if you go overboard on the cookie platter in the break
room. It’s not a big deal. Just get back on track the next day.
21. Don’t rely on holiday spirits (or other substances.)
“The holidays are a time of heavy drinking,” says Duckworth. “It’s a
common strategy for getting over anxiety about holiday parties or having
the boss as your Secret Santa.” Remember that alcohol is itself a
depressant and abusing it will leave you feeling worse. It also may not
be safe for people taking antidepressant medication, says Pope.
22. Try a sun lamp. As the daylight grows shorter, lots of people find their mood gets gloomier. While some have diagnosed seasonal affective disorder
(SAD), even people who don’t may still have a seasonal aspect to their
depression. Talk to your doctor about trying a sun lamp. It could
improve your mood.
23. If you take medication, don’t miss doses. In the
hustle of the holidays, it’s easy to slack off and miss medication, says
Pope. Don’t let that happen. Make sure that you’re up-to-date on your
refills, too
24. If you see a therapist, have extra meetings. To stay
grounded, plan ahead and schedule some extra sessions during the holiday
season. Or you could ask about the possibility of doing quick phone
check-ins.
25. Give yourself a break. “The holidays can make some
people dwell on their imperfections, their mistakes, the things they’re
not proud of,” Duckworth tells WebMD. But try to cut yourself some
slack. “This is not an easy time of year for a lot of people,” Duckworth
says. “Be gentle with yourself.”It is the season of kindness and
forgiveness, after all. Save some of it for yourself.
Source: http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/25-ways-find-joy-balance-during-holidays