In her first semester as a triple major at the University of Pennsylvania, the New Jersey dual-sports phenom was already a track star.
She was the third of five in a close-knit family, with lots of close friends. And when she leapt to her death from a Center City Philadelphia parking garage last week, she left a note and gifts for her parents and siblings.
Madison Holleran, 19, took her life on Jan. 17. Just five minutes before her death, she had been talking to friends about meeting them for dinner.
I can’t stop thinking about this lovely, talented young woman who seemed to have it all.
As a parent, you assume that once you get through the stress of SATs, campus visits, applications, and rejection letters, the worst is behind you. Your beloved is going to college. All their dreams are coming true. Their lives are just beginning.
But then something like this happens and you realize that your work is far from over.
I’m not going to start whining about how hard our collegians have it on those beautiful tree-lined campuses. How their lives are so difficult going to cool classes, foreign films, rousing sporting events and fun parties.
Geez, how can you be miserable at college? No job, flexible schedules, no parents. Nirvana! We’d switch places with those kids in a nano-second.
But sadly, there are
more Madisons than we know. Good kids who are highly motivated,
hardworking and determined. They’re the lucky ones, right?
She
was beautiful, brilliant, and athletically gifted – the adolescent
trifecta that most high school girls would trade almost anything to
become.
But once they land on that strange territory, without the
built-in support system of family and friends, they often become
unmoored. The students you’d least expect to have trouble are the ones
who struggle the most. The pressure to succeed academically and socially is intense. Alcohol and drugs are prevalent. Even surrounded by thousands of people, they can feel absolutely alone.
Student-athletes face a double whammy, knowing they not only have to get good grades, but must also deliver for their teams.
Madison’s father told NorthJersey.com that his daughter had been depressed, but was getting counseling.
“She told me she was going to see a therapist [this was around noon] and she lied to me because she bought presents for everybody. She really planned this out, I think for months. She is such a perfectionist. She really is,” Jim Holleran said.
“There were no boyfriend issues, no drug issues, there was no mental illness background," said Bob Weckworth, a family friend.
“There is none of that, and on top of that, you had parents who weren’t pushing. Jim just said, ‘Maddie, you don’t have to go back, let’s reload and think this out.' But she was the one who wanted to go back.”
Depression and debilitating anxiety don’t discriminate – State College, Ivy League, small, mammoth. No one is immune.
Kathryn knows that all too well. Her beautiful, talented, athletic daughter started struggling during her junior year at a local high school.
“I would say she was a ‘typical’ teenager. Then suddenly with little warning, the waves started crashing on to shore,” said Kathryn, who did not want to use her real name.
“Relationships with friends and boys became more difficult and the struggle to ‘snap out of it’ became a daily battle. And at some point, I watched helplessly as my little girl was swept away by the undertow of depression and anxiety.”
During her senior year, the young woman committed to play field hockey in college. But one night she reached a low so low, her parents rushed her to the emergency room.
“I remember this odd feeling that we didn’t belong here came over me. We were taking up time and space in a place that was meant for those who were ‘really’ sick or hurt. But she WAS sick and she WAS hurt,” Kathryn said.
She was admitted to a pediatric psychiatric hospital that Kathryn said saved her daughter’s life. But the family did not discuss the situation with others. The stigma of mental illness was too great.
“I remembered thinking if she had surgery to repair a torn ACL, there would have been cards, flowers and hospital visits. If she were diagnosed with cancer, there would be fundraisers and benefit field hockey tournaments, but since it was mental illness there was silence,” Kathryn said.
“It’s not the kind of thing that you want shared in the halls of your high school, in fact, the fear was that it would be whispered behind her back if everyone knew. “
Kathryn’s daughter started college feeling upbeat and hopeful. But sidelining injuries early in the season sent her spiraling back down into depression. Today, the family takes it one day at a time.
“She is a warrior who battles every single day of her life. There is no day off or offseason with depression and anxiety,” she said.
“My hope for everyone else is that they will learn to recognize signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety and garner compassion and understanding for the impact that it has on the lives of those who are engaged in this silent battle.”
One of the downsides for us parents with “adult” children, 18 or older, is that the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act denies us access to their health records without their written consent. So your child might be seeking treatment for a breakdown, but you wouldn’t know.
Some of our depressed kids turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. In one local graduating class, seven students have entered rehab programs.
We do whatever we can to give our kids the best and protect them from the worst. But often that’s not enough. We have to stop pretending they don’t get depressed, telling them “it’s all in their heads,” or to “buck up and get a grip.”
We have to remove the stigma of depression. And parents must be told when their children are talking about suicidal thoughts or feelings, no matter how old they are.
We can’t bear to lose one more child. And we shouldn't.
Source: http://www.pennlive.com/living/index.ssf/2014/01/depression_takes_another_young.html
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