I Battle Depression and Anxiety

Looking outside as it snows wondering to myself who am I and do I deserve this happiness ? People like us usually want happiness but how is it that I am unhappy with unimaginable happiness. This happiness is at someone else's expense but isn't the nature of all happiness, such tragedy? Illusions and confusions of moral dilemmas that seem impossible to untangle. Like vines they just hang off the branches of ethics waiting for me to use them to swing ahead of the humanity statistics of my time. I have become lazy have I not, wasting away the better parts of me letting them rot or have I just become like this snow. Icy, cold , flying in a disorganized manner in which ever direction this wind takes me. Its ungrateful they say to not accept happiness when it comes knocking, but there comes a time when one must let the dust collect on the recently locked doors. Happiness bright in nature has begun to come from the depths of wild, evil and hysterical shadows. It has become a luxury which I no longer accept. I reject happiness to keep it and claim it as my own without guilt or remorse is psychopathic in nature. Many strangers have suffered for it I will not let this chain continue.