Saint Mary’s College student shares story of struggle with anxiety, depression

Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, the Saint Mary’s College student who shared the story of her struggle with anxiety and depression preferred to remain anonymous.
On Monday morning, I woke up with the sense of dread and panic that I was about to take an exam that I did not study for at all. This might not be an uncommon occurrence on a college campus, except that I did not have an exam scheduled for Monday — or any other day that week. I frequently wake up with my mind and heart racing because I suffer from an anxiety disorder.

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On each day of May — Mental Health Awareness Month — Oaklawn will share a story about mental health in hopes of raising awareness for the issue, providing information about resources available in our community and framing mental illness in a more positive light. You can read all of the stories on Oaklawn’s Elkhart Truth community blog, State of Mind.

Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, the Saint Mary’s College student who shared the story of her struggle with anxiety and depression preferred to remain anonymous.

To learn more about Oaklawn, a mental health center that serves Elkhart and St. Joseph counties, visit the organization’s website.

I have struggled with managing stress for what feels like my whole life. I have always been tense and serious, unable to relax and have fun. I am a chronic worrier. I lose sleep over everything from my grades to the well-being of my friends and family to whether ISIS will ever be defeated.
One of the most frustrating things about anxiety (and his friend, depression) is that there is a portion of my brain that knows my fears are irrational, that everyone else is correct when they tell me everything will work out, that I am the abnormal one. I cannot unload my concerns on my own, even though I can realize my anxiety is greater than the situation warrants.
Austrian psychiatrist Victor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, likened human suffering to a gas. While my experiences cannot compare to someone who has experienced such evil firsthand, mental illness is a suffering in its own right, and the metaphor holds. Anxiety or depression, like oxygen or carbon dioxide, diffuses to fill the shape and size of its container. When that vessel is a human being, the pain can be overwhelming.
During high school, my anxiety began to manifest itself in physical symptoms: headaches, muscle aches and constantly shaking legs. I struggled with asking for help with my as-yet undiagnosed general anxiety disorder when I arrived at Saint Mary’s because it can be difficult to distinguish between the normal stress that comes with being a college student and a more serious condition. I did not want to look like I was making a mountain out of a molehill by asking for help, but it was a matter of recognizing the mountain for what it was. I could give myself an entire Saturday in the library to work ahead for the next week, then I would look at my assignments and feel like my heart was beating right out of my chest and I had forgotten how to breathe.
It is so easy to look around a high-pressure environment like Saint Mary’s and think, “Everyone here is amazing. Everyone has an amazing GPA and job prospects. I can’t risk asking for help because then I’ll fall behind.”
So I tried managing my illness on my own. I did — and still do — my best to avoid caffeine and alcohol, and I train for half marathons in an attempt to burn off some of my nervous energy. This semester, I’ve even enrolled in a yoga class. I spent time in prayer daily, thanking God for the day’s blessings. Unfortunately, the reluctance to ask for help can be intensified in the Christian community.
Talking about mental illness can be especially hard at church, because so many who mean well say things like, “What reasons do you have for feeling depressed? God has given you so many blessings!” Or, “You should spend more time in prayer, then.” Mental illness is not a choice, and it especially not a sinful choice. It is an illness, like any other physical malady, only less visible. And as hard as these words are to type, the answers to coping with anxiety or depression are not found in the Bible. I have come to believe that mental illness, like all other suffering, is a consequence of living in a broken world. God has blessed doctors with the knowledge to treat mental illness and blessed scientists with the expertise to develop medicines.
I put off asking for clinical help for as long as I could. But after one panic attack too many, I spoke to my family doctor, who prescribed medication. It doesn’t make my anxiety go away, but it does help to manage my symptoms. I also have incredibly supportive parents and friends. Being intimately acquainted with an anxiety disorder as I am, I could not imagine dating someone with similar brain chemistry. Yet my boyfriend begs to be on the other end of the line when I break. How undeservedly blessed I am.
The past few years have seen major advances in the treatment of mental illness, and increased national dialogue to bring this topic into the light where it belongs. There’s still a lot of work to be done, but with making known the resources available to those who struggle with mental illness, and resources for the people who love them so they know how best to show support. I have an overwhelming faith in humanity — we’re going to get there.
Source: http://www.elkharttruth.com/living/Community-Blogs/State-of-Mind/2015/05/26/Saint-Mary-s-College-student-shares-story-of-struggle-with-anxiety-depression.html